How does one be helpful? ASK!
There are always inner expectations (what I want to happen), and external expectations (what others want to happen). Its a thing! If someone hasn’t asked for help, and you haven’t offered but decide to do something for that person without asking them – you’re taking a chance that your efforts may, or may not be aligned nor appreciated. This depends on what that person wants, and what you’ve done.
I have physical deficits, I own them. I have a hitch in my giddy-up, and sometimes walk with a cane, and my fine motor movement provides me daily challenges with simple tasks like zipping up my coat. It doesn’t frustrate me as much as it frustrates others. For me it just is.
For those witnessing these moments of my life, some simply don’t know what to do, or how to react. With respect, as an adult – ask! I appreciate when people do.
I often fumble, and will try over and over… with respect, let me. I believe if you don’t use it you loose it, and my skills are on the edge. Its my journey, I know you can probably zip my coat up for me, and it may get on your nerves to watch me fumble, but with respect to healing my nerves – let me try! Until I ask you for help, or accept your offered help – please respect my desire to do simple tasks of daily living myself. I’m a walking work-around, and some day’s I make it look better than others.
I’ve learned how to ask for help, and times I often accept offered help if appropriate. However if I’d like to something myself, let me!
Some just don’t get it. A good example of this is putting my coat on. I’ve had people push my fumbling hands out of the way to zip up my coat for me – without asking if I need any help, of if they can touch me. WHOA! My reaction is often sharp.
Consent is an interesting thing.
If my fine-motor skills make you uncomfortable, I’m ok with you watching me fumble. And if you’d like to help me, asking is the only appropriate thing to do.
It’s simple – if you don’t ask, injecting yourself is not always helpful, nor appreciated. And all your good intentions won’t change that!
So… this brings me to my painting, my art therapy. Painting was re-introduced to me post-cancer as a way to get on my own nerves in an occupational therapy kind of way – its simple: mixing paint and painting works my fine-motor movement. That whole if you don’t use it you’ll loose it philosophy. So with that… I finished another fluid acrylic dirty flip cup pour on a 10″ x 20″ gallery wrapped canvas (posted with my water mark).