People judge, and hands wander!
It seems a new trend began that bare skin was an invite, that dancing in my kilt meant unwanted up the kilt invasions. I like to dance, its rare these days my body is up to it, I’m not a party girl. Sometimes these worlds collide. I was assaulted, often. So often I stopped going out to dance in the city.
So the question of the year began in its raw form at the beginning of 2015… how to deal? It would always start the same… out dancing at some city club. Someone would start dancing very close, usually from behind me. I take space when I dance, and would explain that I was there to dance and not for bump and grind – and politely ask for space. Boundary set. And… they would abide for a bit, and then dance closer, boundary crossed. Often as unsuspecting grinding from behind, or an up the kilt grope. This shouldn’t be a thing, yet this is a thing. I had words with security and chose my venues more carefully.
Then later that summer at a festival, I was dressed up in my typical kilt, boots, and top hat… and I went out dancing with a male friend dressed ass out as a bunny in his chaps. I learned that a nice ass gets attention!
The night included some awesome music, some dancing, and watching woman behaving badly. Without consent they would approach him from behind and slap his ass! Each time he would kindly turn around and point out to them that it was his turn… eye-for-an-eye! Whoa…. I watched him with consent inform them of his plan of slipping his 2 fingers down the back of their waistband to slip down their pants, and then slap their bare ass. I watched him repeat this 4 times that night, and witnessed 8 slaps: 4 non-consentual, 4 consensual in retaliation. Epic.
The behaviour that I hate receiving was being delivered by woman to my date! A few engaged me, as if I was going to intervene and stop him from slapping their ass. They were wrong. They all submitted and received their slap, I enjoyed watching.
When did personal boundaries being crossed start becoming a thing? Why is this being tested as acceptable playful behaviour? Hard No! Exposed skin is not an invitation!
How do you handle? Do you respond with words? What do you say? Do you point out the boundaries crossed? In the right set and setting do you play eye-for-an-eye? When do you teach a lesson versus call the cops? Oh the question of 2015…
Admittedly, I’ve played eye-for-an-eye.